PLANNING
Q. What are the benefits of working with a wedding consultant / planner?
A. A consultant will save you stress and hassle during the planning process and especially on the actual day of your wedding. Without them, are you going to do the actual supervision of all the logistics during your event? Even if you decide to assign these tasks to a relative or friend, you are not sure that they would actually know what their doing. Besides, shouldn’t they enjoy the day as well? Don’t have time to research caterers, photographers, or florists? Consultants do all the planning and legwork. That way, you just show up to appointments, approve designs, sample menus, etc. Consultants know the best vendors to hire (from experience or from reputation). Since they work with vendors all the time, they can try to get you great rates, good value for your money and negotiate watertight contracts. They’ll also serve as your creative partner. They provide a wealth of ideas, insights, opinions and not just overseeing logistical matters. It’s like having a best friend who is an expert and will see you through all the hassle and stress of planning an event.
Q. We both work full time and we desperately need help. But we’re not sure if we can afford the services of a wedding consultant, What should we do?
A. Here’s good news: There are skilled wedding consultants that can work within a variety of budgets. They also have different types of services available depending on the needs of their clients.
One of the services is the “ Full Management Coordination” wherein they are at your side from the initial planning stages. They can assist you in budget planning, and acquisition of other wedding suppliers, and execution of the plans on the day itself.
Another service is the “Turn over coordination” or “Partial coordination”. Your consultant can provide a “blueprint” – usually a preparation guide and a list of trustworthy, talented vendors to check out.
You can also hire a wedding consultant to oversee things on the evening before and actual day of the wedding. This is called “On the Day Coordination” (OTD).
Another option is you can contract a wedding consultant to work with you on a freelance basis (to scout out a location, and advise on various suppliers), in which case they’re paid by the hour or on consultation basis.
So make a list of things you know you want the consultant to handle, then call a few to see what they charge.
Q. What is the difference between a “Planner” and a “Coordinator”?
A. These days, these terms are being used interchangeably. But there is a difference between the two. As I mentioned above, there are several packages offered by a wedding consultant, and based on what you hire them for, they become either a “Planner” or a “Coordinator”.
A “Planner” is usually involved in all aspects of the wedding preparation, from the budget planning, selection of vendors, and execution of the wedding itself. Usually clients who get a “Full Management Package” are those who will get the services of a “Planner”.
There are clients who prefer to do all the planning themselves and booking of vendors. In this case, they hire a Planner or consultant to execute their wedding. These clients book “On The Day Coordination”. Therefore, the Planner/ Consultant becomes a “Coordinator”. As a “Coordinator” they are only involved in the execution of the Client’s plan. They are only as good as the Client’s plan. If there is something wrong with the client’s plan, and there is information that they failed to mention to their Coordinator and something goes wrong, it is not the Client’s place to blame their “Coordinator”. Remember, even the smallest thing that you fail to endorse to your Coordinator makes a difference and may contribute to a blunder no matter how good your Coordinator is.
Q. We are considering getting married in the Philippines. What would be the best way to arrange the wedding?
A. The best course of action would be to hire a wedding planner under a full management package. Your coordinator will know reputable suppliers, and they know how much things cost and are used to budget planning. So they will be able to get your money’s worth, and do the leg work for you. Another aspect would be the application of your marriage license. You must have all your documents prepared ahead of time so that you will be able to file them. Although your coordinator can help you, the civil registrar actually requires a personal appearance from the couple. In addition, you will have to attend the family planning seminar required by law and the pre-cana seminar required by the Catholic Church. (If you are Catholic)
Q. I am getting married out of town. I agreed to pay the my attendants’ airfare if they paid for the hotel, but now I’m considering costs, and now I don’t think I’ll be able to contribute as I originally intended to. How do I ask them to pay for their trips?
A. Honesty is the best policy. Instead of leaving them wondering why. Sure, the cost may mean some or all of them won’t be able to make the trip. But you should give them the prerogative of making a decision. If you simply explain that you overestimated what you could actually contribute, then I’m sure they will understand and appreciate your honesty.
Q. We live abroad. But we are planning to get married in the Philippines. Is there any chance they’ll issue me a marriage license without an appearance?
A. Unfortunately, a marriage license is something you need to get in person. This is because you also have to schlep along a stack of documents, including your birth certificate, and the various seminars you have to attend personally, and the civil registrar requires a personal appearance.(For weddings in the Philippines). What you can do is ask a friend or relative to put together all the requirements and documents you will need, so that the amount of work that will left would be those that need personal appearances. Also, keep in mind that timing is crucial. Marriage licenses are valid for only a certain amount of time. In the Philippines, a marriage license is applied for 120 days prior to the wedding date. You can apply for a license anywhere in the Philippines. For weddings abroad, you’ll probably have to apply for your license in the town in which you plan to get married. You need to ask about the office hours of the various offices you need to go to, and whether you need to make an appointment, as well as when you should apply based on your wedding date. What it comes down to is that you two will need to make a day of it.
Q. We’re not very far into planning, and I’m afraid we’re already way over budget. How can we cut costs?
A. When it comes to your ceremony site fee, reception site rental, your gown, even most of your vendors, you’re dealing with a fixed cost. Unless you’re prepared to have practically bare decorations, the only way you can really cut your cost is to cut your guest list. This makes a big difference. Think about it. Majority of any expenditure when it comes to any event is the food. Approximately 50% of the expenses goes to this. If you were paying Php 450.00/ plate, and if you’ve got tables of ten guests each, and for example you had to add 2 tables to accommodate additional guests, plus Php 500/centerpiece that would make Php 10,000! Hence, the only way is to cut guests from your list. Keep your guest list small. Otherwise you would be sacrificing some things you would want for your wedding, like a better wedding gown, or to hire a quartet, or better décor, etc.
Q. My fiancé and I would like to have favors at our reception. I want to make it something my guests won’t forget. What’s your opinion?
A. If you’re planning to give your guests something unique that they’ll treasure as a token then you should do it, even if it’s something they can’t keep forever. ( Eg. really decadent chocolates) Avoid giving knick-knacks, they just end up collecting dust. Find something that has perfect meaning for the two of you, and go for it. Another option is to donate to charity and inform your guests that in lieu of souvenirs, a charitable donation has been made in honour of the occasion.
Q. When would it be appropriate for my groom and I to have our pictures taken before the ceremony? It seems to me there is some tradition of not seeing the groom on the wedding day.
A. There is a tradition of the bride and groom not seeing each other on their wedding day. It increases their excitement in seeing each other, and it comes from an ancient practice of the bride not showing her face to her intended groom until the wedding day. And a lot of our elders would demand this practice. However, there is nothing wrong if you would like to have your portraits taken before going to the ceremony since your make-up etc., will be fresher. And it might help you be calmer if you can spend some quiet time together before the ceremony. Altogether, this is really your decision. It will be a matter of your preference.
ON WEDDING VENDORS
Q. Is it smart to hire a novice or ask one of our guests/ family members to take pictures? Photography now seems so expensive, and we want to save as much as we can.
A. This depends on what your priorities are. For some couples, this is not one of their major concerns. But my advice would be, do not scrimp on photography. This is not something you should compromise. Remember that after the event is over, years later when you have kids, these are the one of the lasting souvenirs that you have to show for. So, make sure you have a good photographer. Some photographers, despite being novices are quite good and would deliver quality work. So, check all of them out. If you find the photographer whose work you like and are comfortable with, book him!
Q. My wedding suppliers expect meals during the day of pre-event preparation and reception. I’m paying them a lot for their services. Am I supposed to pay for their meals? like the coordinator, photographers and musicians I hired?
A. Majority of vendors will have a clause in their contracts stating that you will need to provide meals for them during the preparations and during the event itself.
You have to remember that these are professionals who work long hours. They would be working even 4 to 5 hours or more before the event, with an addition 3- 4 hours during the event itself. You cannot expect tip-top service if your suppliers/vendors are about ready to faint from hunger or thirst! It does not matter how much you are paying them. This is also a reflection of your consideration for other people and the people you work with.
And rule of thumb: provide them with the kind of meal that you would not be embarrassed to serve your guests or eat yourself. Remember, that caterers will have a certain buffer for food for “just in case” . So, mention it and pre-arrange it with your caterer the number of probable wedding professionals that will need meals so they can take care of providing the food on the day itself.
Q. My fiancé and I recently met with a number of caterers. We had four tastings, and the winning caterer turned out to be the last one we saw. I now have to tackle the dreaded task of saying “no thanks” to the other caterers. They were all great and quite amazing in terms of service, so I want to handle this correctly. What exactly do you say to them? Should I call them or write an email? If they ask me which caterer I chose instead, should I tell them?
A. While you are not obligated to contact potential wedding vendors after meeting with them, it is a courtesy that they would most likely appreciate. This prevents them from spending any more time on you after you’ve already committed to another vendor, and it also gives them the opportunity to ask a few questions, for instance who you went with and maybe even why. This gives a vendor an idea of what is going on in terms of the business in their area. If you want to answer their questions, do so and be honest; if not, just tell them you’d prefer not to say.
ATTIRE
Q. I am going to an evening wedding. What should I wear?
A. Your best bet is to dress in “cocktail attire” — a nice dress that you would wear to any other formal evening affair. Don’t be afraid to wear a black dress: Although it’s still not appropriate for a brunch or luncheon wedding, black for a formal evening event will never go out of style. You can go simple and elegant in a nice solid-color shift dress, or add a little color, beading, or embroidery if you like.
Q. We are having a Saturday-afternoon reception that includes a cocktail hour and a full dinner. How do I let guests know that it’s not just an afternoon informal brunch? I would like it to be formal attire but not black tie.
A. One of the best ways to let guests in on the fact that the wedding is formal is with the invitations themselves. Get ultra-formal, traditional ones — choose white, ivory, or ecru paper (maybe with a gold or silver border), printed in black script — and that should clue them in. You’re right to not go black tie in the afternoon; technically, tuxedos should be worn only for evening weddings (these days that means a reception starting after 6 p.m.). Give guests the benefit of the doubt, too: If they receive a formal invite from you and read where your wedding is being held, you can trust them to dress appropriately. You should concern yourselves primarily with what the two of you, your wedding party, and your parents are wearing because you’re the ones who will really dictate the formality of the party.
GUESTS
Q. We sent out our wedding invitations, but my fiance and future mother-in-law keep calling with additional names. My family already limited our guests. Right now, the guest list is 30 percent my family and 70 percent his! In addition, we’re already over budget — and we are paying already more than ½ of the expenses. It is so frustrating. What to I do?
A. Isn’t it amazing how some people lose all sense of decency when it comes to the guest list? You have ample reason to be annoyed. So why are you letting them walk all over you? You and your fiance need to have a little talk. If the invites have gone out already, the boat has sailed and they missed it! No more invitations should be mailed. As far as solving this issue peacefully, you should try to get your fiance to understand your viewpoint (which shouldn’t be hard, since you’re being completely reasonable). To avoid creating bad feelings between you and your future MIL, let him talk to his mother about the guest list and other issues.
Q. Is it proper etiquette for the bride’s family to offer the groom’s family a certain number of invitations, or does the groom’s family invite as many people as they want? How do we handle this?
A. Ideally, the total number of guests you’re planning to invite is divided equally between the families, or three ways, between the two families and the couple themselves. But not all families are the same size, and often one family is much bigger than the other, so one side needs more invites. There is no hard-and-fast rule about this. Technically, if the bride’s family is paying for the reception, they have a say over how many guests are to be invited (not to mention how many people they wish to invite). But it is gracious to make sure all the important relatives and family friends of the groom’s family are included. The groom’s parents should also be gracious: If the bride’s family is paying, the groom’s family should not go overboard (for example, inviting coworkers or friends the couple doesn’t know). However, if the groom’s parents are contributing to the reception expenses, they should have the option to invite and cover the cost of their extra guests and vice versa.
Q. I work in a small medical clinic where everyone knows everyone. While I have several close friends there, there are a few people I would rather not invite to my wedding. What is the best way to go about this without upsetting anyone?
A. This is a hard one, because it really depends on your office. Inviting only select coworkers you also consider friends is easier in a large, corporate office, where most of your colleagues don’t expect to be invited. Sometimes it’s more difficult in a close-knit office, where you’re all chatting with each other all day (and you’re telling people about your wedding plans!). That said, you don’t have to invite each and every coworker to your wedding, and you certainly don’t have to invite anyone you don’t want there, coworker or not.
Just be very tactful about inviting the colleagues you do want. Send the invites to their homes — don’t bring them to the office — and let them know that you would rather they didn’t talk about it at work out of courtesy to those you didn’t invite. Depending on how you think the uninvited coworkers will react, you might want to prepare yourself; if anyone confronts you about not being invited, you can always fall back on “Our guest list was getting out of control” or “We could only afford to invite so many people” if you feel you need to. Okay, so maybe things will be a bit tense around the office for a while. But you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty. It’s your wedding, and you create your guest list.
Q. If invited guests do not respond to a formal wedding invitation, even though a response card was supplied, should we call them to find out if they plan to come, or can we assume that they’re not?
A. As far as final head count goes, you should never assume. Call to see if they’re coming. If calling is a problem or otherwise out of the question, assume that they are coming, and make sure there’s food and seats for them. It’s better to have extra grub and room than to have your guests standing there and wondering where to sit!
